i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
