It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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