I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
