Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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