when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
