Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
