Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
