fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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