it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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