You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
