And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
