I'm so fucking centered right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
