I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
