Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
