please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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