next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize