pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
