Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize