nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
