Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
