She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
