I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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