i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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