So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
