hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
50% drunk capacity currently
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
