Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
