Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
