I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
