I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
