I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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