She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
