Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize