Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
