I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
