you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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