my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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