i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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