i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
