i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize