i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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