First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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