I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
