was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
