first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
