She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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