can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
