dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Mom said you looked used
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
