8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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