I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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