i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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