i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
