Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
