I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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