Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
this must be what syphilis tastes like
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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