Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Two words: nipple clamps
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