I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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