i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize