so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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