I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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