I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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