I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
