Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
