I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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