I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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