Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
