I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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