you would pick up someone in the library
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
