I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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