i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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