NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
